Yesterday I was reminded about our first trick-or-treating when Luca was just 9 months old and Rocco was 26 months old (ironically the exact same age Vinny is right now).
This is the only photo I can find of that night. Luca is a little pumpkin and Rocco is Batman. Interesting that I am reminded of this night while I struggle to make bat costumes for both Luca and Vinny. Vinny wore his robot costume last year with no problem. This year is different. Well, it's a whole new year and in toddlerhood that's a long time. I'm ok if he decides to just wear his regular clothes.
You see, just a few short months before this photo was taken our world was rocked. The entire story deserves a lengthy post or two, but the short of it is, we went 19 months NOT KNOWING OUR FIRSTBORN WAS BLIND!!! Are you fucking kidding me?
As we excitedly got the kids dressed and ready to join the crowds of children roaming the streets in search of candy we pretended everything was fine. About ten minutes into the evening it hit us both at the same time. I'm not even sure what did it. I remember seeing a few other toddlers racing up to people's front doors. I remember a little girl dressed as a fairy. I clearly remember the smiling faces of adults. We weren't smiling. I'm pretty sure soon after I took this photo Chef was crying. I was crying. We didn't need words... we just went home.
I will one day write it all down. I guess right now I just want to say that we are far from that black hole now. Actually our universe doesn't have a black hole anymore. Rocco loves dressing up as much as other kids and he adores trick-or-treating. Although he does need help finding the doorbell! Our total acceptance of what he is has made our life complete.
Smile! life is pretty amazing.
This is the only photo I can find of that night. Luca is a little pumpkin and Rocco is Batman. Interesting that I am reminded of this night while I struggle to make bat costumes for both Luca and Vinny. Vinny wore his robot costume last year with no problem. This year is different. Well, it's a whole new year and in toddlerhood that's a long time. I'm ok if he decides to just wear his regular clothes.
You see, just a few short months before this photo was taken our world was rocked. The entire story deserves a lengthy post or two, but the short of it is, we went 19 months NOT KNOWING OUR FIRSTBORN WAS BLIND!!! Are you fucking kidding me?
As we excitedly got the kids dressed and ready to join the crowds of children roaming the streets in search of candy we pretended everything was fine. About ten minutes into the evening it hit us both at the same time. I'm not even sure what did it. I remember seeing a few other toddlers racing up to people's front doors. I remember a little girl dressed as a fairy. I clearly remember the smiling faces of adults. We weren't smiling. I'm pretty sure soon after I took this photo Chef was crying. I was crying. We didn't need words... we just went home.
I will one day write it all down. I guess right now I just want to say that we are far from that black hole now. Actually our universe doesn't have a black hole anymore. Rocco loves dressing up as much as other kids and he adores trick-or-treating. Although he does need help finding the doorbell! Our total acceptance of what he is has made our life complete.
Smile! life is pretty amazing.
9 comments:
I'm totally not smiling right now. I'm just bawling my brains out...but I know I'll be smiling soon. Thank you so much for sharing your story Sascha.
Wow, wow, wow. I'd love to hear that story sometime.
Well, badass Rocco must've been pretty pleased with himself for having you guys fooled for so long! :) I'm so sorry though, Sascha. That had to be a hard thing to adjust to, though I love your attitude about him now! Take care and I'd like to hear the full story in the future too if you want to tell it.
It's amazing how things hit us at the strangest times. How we could intellectually know something for quite some time...but it takes us weeks, months, years to emotionally process it. I'm guessing it must be some sort of coping mechanism.
Ever since I started reading your blog, I've really admired your attitude and strength. You rock. I'd also love to hear the story when you're ready.
It's hard to smile when you're sobbing. You are an amazing mom. Thank you so much for sharing this touching story. Now, if Vinny would just wear his costume ...
It sure is a roller coaster bringing kids into the world huh! I love the way you write about your kids - you have a fantastic attitude :)
Somehow I just stumbled on this post today. Wow, I had no idea. Hooray for the positive attitude, I'm feeling the same way about my little guy. Love the line "Our total acceptance of what he is has made our life complete" Now I'm inspired all over again by you!
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